week 2 journal 5

Stress. It happens to all of us. There’s good stress and bad stress. One pushes you to improve your efforts, the other pushes you too far. Today I’m very stressed. Stressed with school, finding a job, relationships, and figuring out my life. It started off as being bad stress. I was making myself a nervous wreck. Worrying about every little thing going wrong in my life. I messed up my FASFA and now I have to wait 3-5 days before it’s processed before I can even make the correction. Unluckily on my part I need to let CMU know if I’ll be accepting their admission before June 1st and there’s no way I’ll be able to see what financial¬†aid is available¬†because once it’s processed, it has to re-process the new information 3-5 days again. It just feels like I have the worst luck sometimes. I’ve been waiting weeks to finish my FASFA, my mom had to amend her taxes so I was only able to finish today. Clearly the world is telling me I shouldn’t even bother trying because every time I do I fail epic. I wanted an internship so bad I’ve been applying time and time again. Every new season they already found someone by the time I write in trying to reiterate my interest after waiting the week or two after submitting my application. I’ve tried getting jobs at golf courses, I’d love that. Everytime they don’t even give me a chance it’s always “we hired back all our old employees from last summer try again next year.” Too bad I do try again next year. I’m pretty bummed that I seem to never catch a break but instead of letting it kick me down I use it for fuel. I motivate myself by saying how can I win if I don’t even try? So instead of letting the bad stress over take me, I’m choosing to let these be good stressors. Maybe another better job or internship is in my near future.

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